


Grow As We Go

by calvinahobbes



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Introspection, M/M, Pride 2019
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-07
Updated: 2019-07-07
Packaged: 2020-06-23 23:07:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 771
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19711366
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/calvinahobbes/pseuds/calvinahobbes
Summary: It’s a long day for Phil too.





	Grow As We Go

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this on my phone and I didn’t wait for a beta. This is just an introspective amalgamation of a lot of smart thoughts from people on tumblr yesterday, and I claim no originality.

The first text message dings in only minutes after Dan leaving the apartment. It’s a photo of a rainbow flag, the first he’s seen today, as if he has no idea how many are to come or he’s just too excited to not want to share it. It’s just hanging out of some people’s apartment window, not even near the parade area or Stonewall UK’s headquarters where he is starting out his day.

Phil had some vague idea that he would take a nap or get some emails about VidCon sorted before the parade really starts, but he resigns himself to just keeping ready to respond to Dan. He makes a cup of coffee and opens his computer to do some mindless scrolling.

The texts and photos keep coming in a steady stream throughout the next many hours. The parade has barely gotten underway when Dan sends him the first image of some of their fans. It makes something expand in Phil’s chest. He doesn’t know why it’s so different seeing people with their merch and rainbow decorations in this setting. He saw a lot of it last year during tour after all. But something about this, and about Dan’s smile just radiating joy does make it different. Phil huffs a laugh and coughs to clear the lump in his throat.

Once the images begin to hit their social media tags he begins to realize how big this is. Not just Pride itself or Dan being there. All of it together. How Dan’s presence amplifies the meaning of Pride for some of their fans. How Pride amplifies Dan’s new feeling of self-confidence and connection with their fans. It hits Phil again, perhaps more so because he’s seeing Dan at a bit if a distance for the first time since he posted his coming out video, that Dan is growing rapidly right now, taking up space in a whole new way, looking and feeling more authentic and happy than ever before. There’s nothing new from Dan to respond to but he still opens up Messages again and writes, _I love you, you’re amazing_. Dan sends back a single laughing emoji and then: _big sap_. 

Shortly thereafter another selfie comes in of Dan holding up his sign in front of some smiling fans. Phil marvels at the confidence he exudes, how easily he seems to slot in to the noisy crowded scene, how his branding already seemed honed to adapt to this new loudness. Phil feels different. He doesn’t really want his sexuality to be a part of his branding, not as directly or politically. He’s not articulate or informed the way Dan is. He doesn’t keep up with the lingo or the flag redesigns, which Dan was ranting about back in early June while he was editing his video. Just the thought of accidentally saying the wrong thing or giving an opinion based on already outdated information makes him feel ill. He’d much rather put a healthy donation where his heart is and leave the talking to someone else, someone as smart and considerate as Dan.

The more photos he sees, the more confident he is with the decision not to go. When Dan sends him one of some fans with a sign saying “I <3 my dads” with phanart of the two of them, he knows it was the right decision if for no other reason than going together would have made it about them and their relationship, when the one thing they’ve tried to insist on is that that aspect of their lives is private. He doesn’t resent the fans who are still invested in them as a couple. It warms his heart to know that so many people can see that what they have is special and worth celebrating. But it wouldn’t be fair to anyone, not their queer fans, not Dan, not Stonewall and Mermaids and Black Pride, if any media attention had ended up being on their relationship instead of the overall cause.

The stream of messages slow a bit after that. Dan texts him from the Stonewall afterparty at a more sedate but still constant rate. He tells Phil about some of the other marchers, the gross finger sandwiches, how some of his glued-on sequins have fallen off. After another couple of hours he writes saying that he’s on his way back. Some tension releases inside him. He’s already looking forward to seeing Dan again, to hearing his voice excitedly recounting everything he’s seen today. 

_Get home safe,_ Phil texts back, _I’ll order the pizza._ Dan responds with a _yee_ and a single black heart emoji. 

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading. Like/reblog on tumblr.


End file.
